Comments on: Forecast of My 30’s, 40’s, and Beyond

By: Eva

Eva — Fri, 26 Oct 2012 07:21:03 +0000

I like reading this blog because lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how I’ll cope with people nagging about kids when I’m older. I’m turning 24 on the 30th and while I’ve experienced some “you’ll change your mind”s and the like, I know the real hell is only beginning.

So thanks for this support

By: After 28 Years, I Finally Have the Perfect Comeback - BABY OFF BOARD

After 28 Years, I Finally Have the Perfect Comeback - BABY OFF BOARD — Wed, 19 Sep 2012 13:40:40 +0000

[...] A common issue that comes up on the blog is the frustration that arises when people tell the childfree the following: “You should have a baby!” [...]

By: Sandra

Sandra — Tue, 12 Jun 2012 07:50:26 +0000

At work there is a child free guy in his 50′s who I really look up to, and I asked him in frustration if the ‘you’ll change your mind bullshit’ would ever end. He kinda laughed, told me I had many many more years to deal with it, and then told me that his wife now gets the pity in it’s place.

Maybe by the time our generation gets to his age, childfree by choice will be normalized enough where we will escape the pity….or we can dream.

By: Me

Me — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 13:05:19 +0000

Hi Karilyn,

I found your situation particularly interesting because mine it is all the way around. I think I never wanted children and my husband knew. A few years ago he started to push me and I didn’t handle it particularly well. He obviously changed his mind but I hadn’t. I wasn’t ready but I didn’t want to lose him either. At times, I was confused because I didn’t know whether I should have a baby and get used to it anyway (at the end of the day, I know lots of women that have been pushed by hubbies, they had a baby and they say “they would never regret it”). Anyway, we eventually didn’t go for it. I am now 40, we are still together but I know deep down that there will always be something incomplete in his life. I am glad I don’t have any. I don’t know whether I will regret it one day but I have to live with my decision which feels right now.
You seem to have got used to it well. Do you hold sometimes anything against your husband?

Me.

By: IrisD

IrisD — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 04:29:37 +0000

Oh Cheryl, I wish that were me. More often than not people either pity or try to fix me. I wanted kids, but couldn’t have them, and I think I probably would be handling everything much better were it not for the stupid unsolicited comments I receive.

By: IrisD

IrisD — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 04:22:57 +0000

I’m 43. I recently saw some old friends because their mom has been ill. I hadn’t seen them in years.

Old friends: So, when are you going to have a baby?
Me: I’m not.
Old Friends: Why?
Me: Too old now (thinking: maybe, maybe not, we have male factor infertility… what am I supposed to say? sperms no good??)
Old Friends: I had my child at 39
Me: But I’m 43 now, from 39 to 43 fertility wise their is a big difference (or so the experts say)… (If you look younger than your age you’ll be 50 and they’ll still be asking.)
Old Friends: You can adopt, there are so many children out there who need a home.
Me: (thinking, but not saying: Why haven’t or didn’t you adopt any?) My husband is over 50, in many countries if you are over 50 you are ineligible. I have a friend who adopted from Africa, where there are no age limits on adoptive parents, and it took her 8 years and around $20,000. I don’t have that type of money. Because of our age and other factors we might get passed over for domestic adoption. We can adopt an older child, but I’m scared to do so because I don’t know what issues they might have and how these will affect my life and marriage….
Old Friends: Nothing… change subject
Me: (thinking: see, you can’t possibly tell me something I haven’t thought of… maybe you won’t ask this very intrusive question again to someone else.)

By: Edelweiss

Edelweiss — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 07:01:11 +0000

I’m 37, married, and the persistent questions about babies have mostly ceased in recent years. It was much more common in my late 20′s and early 30′s when everyone around us was breeding… but as our friends’ children have grown, they’ve stopped asking.

Fortunately, our families haven’t really challenged the decision, which makes the occasional inquiry (usually made in polite conversation) much less annoying. My standard answer, when asked, is “I can’t afford children”. In today’s economy especially, no one really questions the validity of that reason. Not that it’s their business in any case.

So yes, it does get better! Most people are well intentioned, and, in my experience, aren’t even really that interested hearing the reasons why. If you’re consistent, eventually they stop asking.

By: Heather

Heather — Sun, 08 Apr 2012 02:56:04 +0000

I’m 40 and I still get the “You don’t have kids? Why not?” comments. I’ve thought about telling the intrusive jerks a lie about how I had an STD that rendered me sterile and then bursting out into tears but I haven’t had the nerve to pull it off yet I thought when I got older I could hide behind that fact with a “Well, you know, if I haven’t had the need to have a baby yet it’s probably just not going to happen” but that’s usually countered with the latest celeb story of some 50 year old model who just had twins or something. Or “You could always adopt!!” But I do increasingly seem to be the recipient of such confessions as “I don’t have anything in common with my teenager” or “Oh, you never had kids, lucky you” or my favorite “I love my kids but if I had to do it over again I’m not sure what I’d do…”.

By: Scott

Scott — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 16:36:55 +0000

One comeback I’ve heard people use is to ask the onedayer to place a wager. Ask the onedayer if she’s willing to bet $500 that you’ll have a baby someday. Or ask her to bet that you’ll regret not having a child. Say you’re willing to put it in writing and everything. If onedayers are right, it’ll be easy money, right?

No one ever takes up the wager, so how confident are the onedayers?

By: Leslie

Leslie — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 19:31:38 +0000

I too enjoy beer and dislike cold Pretty sure I’d hate snow, but I have little experience to base that on. I grew up in the Central Valley, but have escaped to the San Francisco East Bay. I hear Canada is beautiful! Do you also read BritGirl? She’s childfree in Toronto. Doesn’t update a ton, though.