by Aurora Bordeaux
In the last year, I’ve experienced a lot of changes. Although I don’t really think of them as changes. They’re more culminations that had been brewing for awhile. I had been planting seeds for years without quite knowing it, and in 2012 they finally burst to the surface in a sweet circus of green. True to its status as the Year of the Dragon, 2012 was all about forward motion, not waiting any longer to live the life I wanted to live. I shed expectations like a lizard skin and started doing what I wanted to do. And you know what? It was fantastic. And I had fun.
I trashed my wedding dress in an epic photo shoot. This had a three way purpose: giggles, letting go of my over the top mother and the over the top wedding she planned for me when I begged for a simple inexpensive one, and part getting rid of bulky things I no longer need as we consider moving to a smaller place in the city and getting the heck out of the suburbs.
I dyed my hair rainbow colors, which I have always wanted to do but never had the guts to. I thought people would find it too shocking and was afraid of negative reactions, but my hair finds me instant friends wherever I go. It’s a conversation starter and, in an unexpected way, makes everyone from little girls to old ladies seem to like me right off the bat. It’s like now that I’m wearing my weird on the outside and letting my freak flag fly a little, people actually enjoy my weirdness. Who knew?
I decided to learn how to take care of myself and stop being afraid in the world, so I started krav maga and tested into Level 2. Three Huzzahs!
I finally overcome my deep fear of public performance, more specifically singing within earshot of others, and belted out Journey in a hillbilly bar in middle America.
I started Baby Off Board, which to my continual shock is itching its way toward 200,000 hits (Happy Birthday, Blog!). This blossomed into a Childfree Forum with more than 300 members that’s growing all the time. And here I sit at my computer, now somehow extremely connected to a vast worldwide network of awesome like-minded people, shocked that anyone is interested in what I have to say.
Unexpectedly, the blog has helped me change some of the direction in my life. It helped me eradicate the terror that I would suddenly become baby crazy when I turn 30, which helped me and the hubs together make the decision to get sterilized and quit worrying about it.
Lots of this change has to do with not only becoming the real life person I seemed to become when I wrote for the blog, but also from reading the hundreds of comments that pour in from every post. Which leads me to another big alteration I decided on in 2012: Changing my name.
My legal name has never quite suited me since it’s cute, cheerleadery, shared by millions, and chosen by my over the top mother. I’m more of a quiet, funny, rainbow-haired art geek who never felt like a member of the #1 name club. About a year ago I started going by a random other name socially when I met new people. This was entertaining just to do for its own sake, but I found the taste and sound of another name felt more natural. I also enjoyed the heck out of being Aurora Bordeaux on the blog. I figured that whenever the hubs and I moved, I would just pick another suitable name and go by it common law style, since the legal change seemed like a major hassle.
Then I read some helpful comments on the post about how I will miss naming a child where one reader (thank you, Molly!) talked about how she changed her name legally because people sometimes assumed she was committing identity theft when she used a different one. I chewed on this idea, and chewed and chewed. Then I thought, why not? If I want to be someone different, why can’t I?
The hubs and I began pouring over name books together, so I got to have the naming experience I thought I would miss out on as a non-parent after all. And then one night he said one out of the blue that took me completely off guard and instantly felt like home. Of course! That was it!
I only wish I could share it with you, friends, but any secret blogger or member of the fae knows you can’t go giving your true name away willy nilly. This invites chaos. But I can say the name is awesome, traditional with a twist, unusual yet sensible, and I love it.
I’m giving myself another month or two to make sure it sticks, but sometime in the new year I plan to march to the county courthouse and file my paperwork. Which brings me to Name Day, and Cake.
My blogger friend Leslie wrote a guest post recently about living a life that felt devoid of special events as a childfree gal, and therefore a life devoid of cake. Without a high school graduation, engagement, wedding, or child, the good lady Leslie wondered when she was ever supposed to get any cake with her name on it. (For another childfree story about cake that’s so funny it will make milk spew out your nose, check out this comment from “R.” about Dora the Explorer cake in the post about cravings.)
I’ve had a lot of twisted stuff go down on my official birthday, so I’ve decided to overhaul the yearly celebration to Name Day instead. After all, it’s a kind of birthday. Once the gavel goes down in court and I am newly christened, I am determined to have a party. I want to dress up. I want to unwrap a brand new stationery set with my new name on it and suck in the sweet scent of fresh paper and possibility. I am going to wear my one Kate Spade dress. I may hire a magician. I have bought a clean new journal already and may purchase myself a silly gift like a MMA teddy bear. There should be Costco roses and shiny Mylar balloons. Maybe mini quiche. And bourbon rocks, two cherries, or possibly champagne.
But most of all, as God is my witness, there will be cake! A toast to Name Day, a new year, and a continually evolving, blessed-as-all-gitout, sacred, sparkling life. Hail, Off Boarders, see you in 2013!