by the Hubs
There’s even a my-vasectomy.com which I’m glad I didn’t see before going in to the procedure. I’m still weirded out by that one. Someone paid for that domain, too: Just think about that.
Of course a guy will wonder what a vasectomy will be like before he gets one, but this post is also for any ladies out there who are close to someone who has scheduled their snip. If you’re anything like my wife, you worry too much, so maybe my account will set your mind at ease.
Her’s my two cents, a rare male perspective on the surgical transition from child-possible to childfree. The caveat being that I was on some pill or other the day of the procedure, so it’s possible that the events below never actually happened.
It was easy. When I looked around at the horror stories before sitting down to write, there were tales of nurses, and gowns, and tape (oh my). But the doc and I just chatted the entire time, just two dudes. Yea, I had my pants off. Yep, he was going where no one but God had gone before. But we had a grand old time talking about family, sports, and work. He even threw in some funny anecdotes about other men’s procedures.
I was shown into the room by a nurse, given a paper blanket, and asked to strip the bottom half. One is never quite sure what to do with the blanket. It’s probably dependent on how long you’re going to be there on your own. You feel a little awkward wrapping a paper blanket all around yourself. But should you put your bare ass on the table? It already has some paper substance on it, and I’m not quite sure what the etiquette is. Luckily the conundrum didn’t last long. I’d managed to unfold it and drape it over myself, ready for a boudoir shot, when the doc came in.
We admired my man-scaping quickly, he might have cleaned it up an extra bit or two, and then we were off to the races. Yea, the local anesthetic to the junk wasn’t the most fun thing in the world… But I’m not sure it was worse than the numbing stuff you get for a cavity.
I’ll admit, I kept my eyes averted. I could have watched more if I’d wanted, but I can’t say I felt much desire. After all, my-vasectomy.com was already taken. There was the slight tug for a second while he got a clamp on this or that. The wafting aroma of cauterized whatchamacallit (no, not the candy bar). And a poke or two with the sutures.
There was a slightly distressing moment when I realized that there was the other side still to do. But I think that was more the desire to get it done before the drugs wore off more than anything else. But I was still having a fine old time shooting the shit with doc, and he put me at ease.
Aurora was led in at the end and she seemed more jittery than I was. She tried not to make a big deal about me being wounded. Then she sniffed. “What’s that burned smell? Is that…. Your peep?” Yes, Aurora, darling. Yes it was. She drove me home and I played video games all day.
Not much else to say. I think the procedure took about an hour? The doc finished up, shook my hand, and sent me on my way. Recovery wasn’t necessarily fun, but it didn’t last all that long. The boys were not pretty for a few days. They spent their time off from active duty bathed in ice and bundled close to me. Took it easy, rested up (for longer than one expects you’ll have to, always) and I was good to go.
The only thing I was nervous about is walking back in there with a sample of…. Well… Let’s just say a sample… That’s just awkward. I’d be fine to see the doc again and hand it to him. But passing that off to some random nurse. Just a little odd.