Comments on: What Gives You the Right to Ask?

By: T Lo

T Lo — Thu, 12 Jul 2012 05:02:17 +0000

Aurora, CactusHeart, Leah, and Jennifer: KUDOS!
And to Aurora, thanks for creating this blog which I recently discovered, I appreciate you sharing your thoughts and insights.

By: Leslie

Leslie — Thu, 31 May 2012 19:10:08 +0000

Cactus and Jennifer, I like your style!

By: Jennifer Bauters

Jennifer Bauters — Wed, 30 May 2012 06:46:04 +0000

I have a co-worker who’s exceptionally persistent that one day I’ll change my mind about children. She’s like many people I deal with, people who “were that way once but had children and everything magically changed”.

I have a 3 strike rule, first time I’ll be polite, second time the gloves come off, third time…Thor’s hammer is going to be all up in this. Naturally she kept saying how “I was like that until…” to which I responded “I can’t give it back afterwards, I’d rather regret never having them than regret having them”.

It wasn’t until she kept on saying “You’ll change your mind” as typical cannon fodder that I got really upset with her. It seemed liked every time we worked and ANY subject came up it veered right back to kids and the inevitable changing of my mind.

So one day I had my belly full of it, to the point where I was just before slamming her face on our hot dog grill and cackling. So I told her “You’ll change your mind about having kids” to this she gave me a horrified and hurt look. To which I responded “Now you know how it feels” and she shut up.

She finally got a taste of her own medicine, as much as it hurt her to hear me say what I did, it hurts me in very much the same way. I tried to be nice, but being nice obviously wasn’t cutting it, and if they can be rude to me, I can return the favor. Most learn their lessons the hard way, and I hate to be so rough on them and act as if I have lack of couth but I’m not going to spend my time regretting. I want people to know, those who see me on a day-to-day basis at work or elsewhere, that I don’t have a reason to feel ashamed.

I don’t want to hide my decision not to have kids like I’m creating some kind of horrible taboo. I’m not, and I’m not going to allow parents to push their “ideals” on to me, I’m just as capable if not more of love, caring, and giving. I don’t need children or religion to make me a better person, I already am.

By: Oksana

Oksana — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 16:33:25 +0000

Great site! Thank you!

By: Leah

Leah — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 14:32:02 +0000

I love this website. My husband and myself decided years ago, after realizing that we were rejoicing after the period arrived, that we were not cut out for kids. But, the family and many of my friends pity our childless state. It is extremely irritating. Whenever asked if we have kids my husband always says, “No, thank god!” That usually stuns people into silence.

By: CactusHeart

CactusHeart — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 01:20:10 +0000

I discovered a new way to shut down that conversation. Under the right conditions, it embarasses the typical moo/duh from continuing any further related questions. Those smart enough to notice will take pause and back off, as it brings up the thoughtlessness of their “choice” in a backhanded way:

Moo/Duh: “Why don’t you have kids?”

You: “Because I use protection.”

By: Claire

Claire — Mon, 09 Apr 2012 05:03:56 +0000

The right to ask these intrusive, judgmental questions isn’t given. They just take this concept of what is permissible and run with it, into questions about cycles and hormones. It’s atrocious!

By: Aurora Bordeaux

Aurora Bordeaux — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 19:51:28 +0000

“We live in such an ‘individualistic’ society but you wouldn’t know it with all the pressure to conform to what everyone else does.” Amen.

By: Pauline

Pauline — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 19:30:41 +0000

“I just wonder why asking so many questions about the lack of kids in my life isn’t.”

I guess because almost everyone reproduces so it seems strange to certain people that you don’t “fall in line”.

It’s a bit like when I was vegetarian. I wasn’t pushy about it or anything but it bothered some rude and obnoxious people because it was “different” than the norm.

We live in such an “individualistic” society but you wouldn’t know it with all the pressure to conform to what everyone else does. LOL